Because We Are Friends
by JordieHeartsCastle
Summary: Set about three weeks after Probable Cause. Rick and Kate are having trouble moving on from 3XK. Kate talks with Lanie about their problems. Probably a two or three shot. Rated T.
1. Chapter 1

She took several deep breaths, tapping her feet on the hard surface. The elevator ride to the morgue was going excruciatingly slowly for Kate's taste. She was hoping Lanie had some information on her vic to make this day a little better. The day started off far too early and she hoped for a break in this case so that she could get home to a relaxing bath.

"Lanie" Kate called out to her friend, hoping to mask the increasing irritability she was feeling.

As soon as Kate strode into the morgue Lanie knew that something was bothering her. Her body language was throwing up enough signs for the casual observer, so her best friend could clearly see that Kate needed her assistance.

"Hey girl, what's up? I haven't finished the labs yet on your vic." Lanie tried the calm, relaxed approach.

"Ok Lanie. I just needed to get away for a few minutes." Kate sat down on a stool near Lanie's desk.

"Is everything alright girl?" Lanie placed her tools on the table, removed her rubber gloves and came to sit next to Kate.

"Yeah everything is fine." She rolled her eyes, fluffing and pushing her long locks back behind her ears.

"Wanna try that again a little more convincingly or should I just tell you to save it spill already?" The ME smirked, raising her eyebrows at her friend.

"Things have just been complicated lately." Kate reluctantly replied.

"Complicated, how so?"

"So much has happened lately and just having some trouble adjusting, I guess." Letting a slight huff escape her lungs, Kate dropped her head into her hands.

"Did something happen between you and writer boy? Did you guys break-up?" Lanie questioned, worried that her friend might be hurting more than she conveyed.

"No, no nothing like that Lanie." Kate sighed heavily. "It's just been rough since Tyson, you know?"

Lanie nodded and suddenly understood why her girl seemed so defeated. "Castle having trouble letting things go?"

"He still thinks that Tyson got away. He shot him multiple times, but since they couldn't find his body, Castle thinks he gave him the perfect getaway to move on and begin killing again."

"Do you think he is still alive?"

A brief, but audible crack in her voice, Kate whispered. "I guess its possible, but after how many shots he took and falling off the bridge, I think he is dead."

The tint of uncertainty in Kate's voice assured Lanie that this ordeal was far from over for her friends. "So the problem is that you and Castle don't agree?"

"Actually that doesn't seem to be the issue." Kate answered in a defeated murmur.

"So Castle is feeling guilty then?" Lanie knew their first interaction had a lasting effect on him, she could not imagine the magnitude of Castle's guilt this time.

"Tyson really messed with his head a great deal. He taunted him with things that he can't seem to cope with now."

"Like what?" The ME asked.

"He told him that he was in his loft. That he saw us making love." Kate shivered at this thought. While she tried to tell Castle that Tyson was just attempting to get into his head, it disgusted her to think that he had witnessed their most intimate moments.

Lanie gasped, placing a hand to her mouth and reaching to clutch Kate's shoulder. "Oh honey, do you think that's true?"

"I don't know Lanie. It is certainly possible; I mean he managed to plant the ropes and cables in his loft." A single tear trickled down Kate's cheek.

"So I take it that Castle has changed all the locks and reinforced the windows?"

Wiping her eyes, shifting uncomfortably on the stool, she answered. "He had guys come in and search the loft from top to bottom. They didn't find anything, but Castle can't leave it alone."

"And your relationship? Are you guys ok?" Lanie feared what her friend's response might be. Her friends had taken way too long navigating their feelings; she didn't want something like this to derail them.

"I felt like I was trying to keep my head above water with our relationship before all this happened. I care about him Lanie, more than I ever dreamed possible, but I don't know how to help him. He has always been the one to lighten the situation, not me. He has become so serious and almost depressed lately. What can I do?"

"Have you tried talking to him?"

"Yeah, he says he is fine, that we are fine." She pausing, weighing how to continue. "Lanie, we didn't make love for almost two weeks. Every time I tried to initiate it, he would just pull away. Finally, a couple nights ago he stayed over at my apartment and we made love. But, it just seemed like he wasn't all there."

"Honey, I think…" Lanie was interrupted by the ringing of Kate's cell phone.

"Beckett, ok I will be right there." Kate turned back to Lanie. "I gotta go; Espo has a lead on the location of our vic's girlfriend."

"How about drinks tonight at the Old Haunt? We haven't solved your problems yet." Lanie smiled at her friend. "Plus, I haven't forgotten that you kept writer boy a secret for months; you owe me details." Lanie arched her brow and threw Kate a look that communicated that she wasn't asking so much as telling.

"Fine, Lanie." Kate bit her lip and started for the elevator. "Drinks at the Old Haunt, eight o'clock." With that she turned and left the morgue.

I am thinking of two or three chapters for this one. What do you think?


	2. Chapter 2

Kate was hunched at her desk hurriedly trying to finish the paperwork from her recent close. The case turned out to be a simple one; the girlfriend found out her boyfriend was cheating and made sure he would not do so again. As she was placing her signature on the last few pages, the elevator dinged and Castle strolled into the bullpen.

"Castle" Kate's head popping up, surprise echoing in her voice. "What are you doing back here?"

"Oh, I tried to write but nothing was flowing. Mother is out for the evening so I thought maybe I could come by and we could grab some takeout and go to the loft and watch a movie." The changed mood of his response resulted in a pang of guilt coursing thorough Kate.

"Castle…I'm sorry, I already promised Lanie a girl's night. I'm supposed to be meeting her at the Old Haunt at 8." She placed her hand over his, shooting him her most sympathetic apology.

"That's ok; I guess I will see you tomorrow." Castle rises; turning to leave, a dejected gaze upon is face.

"Wait…Castle; I probably won't be that late. Maybe I could come over after." She attempts to transmit a seductive tone without letting her colleagues overhear.

"Don't worry about it…see you tomorrow." With that he is back in the elevator and gone. Sadness and maybe a little hurt emanating from him.

* * *

The unexpected return of Castle leaves Kate scrambling to change and meet Lanie by 8. A few minutes past the hour, Kate arrives, spotting Lanie at the bar with a martini in her grasp. "Hey, Lanie sorry I'm a bit late. Castle came by and we hand a _discussion_." She slumps down on the barstool next to her friend. The slouched shoulders, narrowed eyes and slightly pouted lips confirmed her increasingly troubled mood.

"Girl…what happened now?" Lanie signals the bartender to grab Kate a drink.

"I'm not sure I even really know. He stopped by when I was finishing my paperwork. His mood was certainly the most upbeat I have seen him in days. He asked if I wanted to grab some takeout and go to the loft to watch a movie." She pauses, taking a sip of her drink. "I told him about our girl's night and told him I would stop by later, but he withdrew, saddened and returning to his state of gloom."

"Kate…you could have cancelled."

"No Lanie it wasn't about us going out tonight. Something more was troubling him." She huffed an exasperated breath and dropped her forehead to her palm. "I want to fix this."

"There is no easy fix, it will take time." She moves her hand to her friends shoulder, rubbing softly. "I think the problem is that he is suffering from guilt and uncertainty, but he is also feeling vulnerable."

"Vulnerable?" Kate pondered Lanie's explanation with a puzzled expression.

"Tyson was able to plant evidence and have him framed with so much ease. Add that to the fact that he killed this woman to exact some twisted sense of revenge. This is a great deal for him to process. He is feeling guilty because another young woman is dead and he couldn't stop Tyson. There is also some residual fear left from his incarceration and possibility that he could have been killed in holding." Lanie pauses, allowing Kate time to process. "He is also extremely vulnerable too. He is unsure of how you're feeling…about what happened and your relationship."

As if a sudden awakening has struck her, Kate says, "I think I understand what you're saying. He is dealing with much more than just whether or not he believes Tyson died. It never occurred to me that he may be insecure." Kate levels her eyes to her friends. "So how should I help him?"

"Comfort him. If he wants to talk; listen. If he just wants to sit quietly; sit with him." Lanie instructs; her voice much lower and softer than normal.

"Do you think that is what he wanted tonight?"

"Most likely. He probably didn't want to be alone with his thoughts. He was looking for you to comfort him, but wasn't sure how to ask. The lack of intimacy could also be influenced by these insecurities. It may not just be the thought of Tyson watching."

"So you think that if I tried to explain how all of this made me feel, he would do the same in return?" She knows that talking is how to fix this, but she is hoping Lanie can devise an alternative for her.

"Now you're catching on. He isn't the only one who had a difficult time with this case." Lanie dishes a knowing glance toward Kate.

"Me? Tyson didn't try to frame…

"No, but the case took a heavy toll on you. You were a whirlwind of emotions for several days. Deep down you wanted to believe that Castle was innocent the whole time, but there were seeds of doubt. Tyson played you as well." Tonight wasn't about pulling her punches. Kate was seeking her advice, her support and she was determined to make sure that Kate understood her advice clearly.

"I know…my own insecurities got the better of me. I could never believe that Castle would kill someone like that, but having another relationship…I wrestled with that part more than I care to admit."

"This is why you need to talk to Castle. Help each other cope, whether you believe he is dead or not there are other topics you need to address."

"You know that sharing my thoughts and emotions is not easy for me." Kate quips, as if this is an enormous revelation.

"You don't say." Lanie sputtered, dripping with sarcasm.

"I'm serious Lanie. Why do you think it took Castle and me so long to attempt a relationship? I was too afraid to open up and dive in."

"Girl, that boy is head over heels for you. Being afraid to talk to him is just plain stupid. Letting this fester until neither of you can cope and you drift apart; that is something to be afraid of."

"Should I go over to his loft later tonight?" Kate hesitates. "Do you think…"

"Yes! When we are done here, you take a few deep breaths…hail a cab…spill your guts…really listen…reconnect. In that order, understand?"

"But…"

"No buts. Consider this a doctor's order. Trust me, you open up to him like you just did with me and intimacy at the loft will no longer be an issue."

"I hope you right."

"Honey, I may not be able to navigate my own screwed up love life, but you and Castle…this I'm certain of." She slaps her hand over Kate's, peering straight into her friends mixed pools of anxiety.

"I guess I will just have to trust you. You were right about Castle before." Kate grins, hoping to hide her uncertainty behind an ego-boosting praise.

"Alright girl…now that you have plucked all this guidance from me; I want details. I think I have probably single handedly saved your relationship tonight and that deserves a reward." Lanie smirked, cheerily bouncing on her barstool.

Kate knew this part of the evening was inevitable. Lanie had been rooting for her and Castle since practically day one. She was so excited that they were finally together and wanted to share in her friend's joy. Plus she is extremely nosy when it comes to gossip. "Lanie, ask your questions and I will answer…within reason." Kate gulped down the remaining remnants of her Cosmo and ordered another anticipating the need for liquid courage.

"That's what I'm talkin about girl. Bartender I'll have another as well. My girl here has some juicy info for me."

"LANIE!" Kate shrieks. "I will not give you any details if you're going to be blabbing them all over the place."

"Relax…it is just between us."

"Ok, what do you want to know?" Kate asked reluctantly. She owed Lanie a _reward _for her assistance tonight, as well as, consoling her when she was trying to make sense of Castle's arrest and _infidelity_.

Lanie turns her body so that she is inched closer to Kate. In a tone that could only be considered a whisper for Lanie she begins. "So, you told me it's been a couple months, but when did it start?"

"Remember the case that got Espo and me suspended." She started, running her fingers through her hair. Thinking about Maddox, how close she came to dying again, and almost missing her chance with Castle was still really difficult.

"Yeah, the one related to your mom's case. Javi…alright well Javi and I kinda have been something again. After he got suspended he showed up, filled me in on everything and I comforted him." She stressed the last part, giving a sultry smile and wink for good measure.

"Lanie, everybody knows that you and Espo are whatever you are again." Rolling her eyes at her friend and chuckling.

"Find, whatever girl; we are supposed to be dishing on you and writer-boy."

"Writer-_man_" Kate corrects. "Definitely writer-man."

"Oh girl you are so continuing your story now." Her excitement shooting through the roof.

"So during the investigation, Castle showed up at my apartment. He thought I was falling back down the rabbit hole and he was worried. He tried to convince me that it was too dangerous and I should stop." She took a few deep breaths. Lanie was the first person she has told about their terrible argument. "He told me that Captain Montgomery had given information to a friend of his and that he was helping this man keep me safe by making sure I did not investigate my mom's case. I got really angry with him; for lying and keeping something so important from me. I was tr…"

"Hold on…this got you together?" Lanie held up her hand to pause the story and gave her a confused look.

"I was trying to process how he could betray me like that and when I asked him why, he…he told me he loved me…again." She braces for the squeal and wrath that is bound to erupt from Lanie after this bombshell.

"STOP right there! What do you mean again? When did he tell you this before?" Lanie questions with serious attitude.

"In the cemetery; when I was shot. I heard him just as I blacked out."

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

"I wasn't ready to accept the feelings I had for him; I couldn't be in a relationship until I worked myself out. So I pretended that I didn't remember anything."

"And Castle never questioned this?"

"That was why I hid away all summer. When I came back I pretended that I still couldn't remember. I gave him hope though, that he wasn't waiting for nothing. Deep down I think he knew then, but he never said anything until that day in my apartment."

"So he told you that he loved you… again. Then you tore each others closed to shreds?"

"No…the argument got worse. I threw his declaration of love away like it meant nothing to me when all I could think about was how I felt the same, but was too upset to acknowledge it. He left, he couldn't…"

"KATE BECKETT, you're in love with Richard Castle?" Her volume increases, as well as, her smile.

"What? I didn't say that." Kate replied in shock…she couldn't possibly be in love with Castle…could she?

"You just said you felt the same. As in you love him."

"No, I mean…I…I wasn't then. I might be now." Her cheeks flamed red as she sheepishly grinned. "I'm not sure."

"Sweetie, this is a good thing. Why do you look like you are going to slink away and hide?"

"It is a good thing. It's just…I have never felt this way about anyone before. I have lived so long with a guarded heart, I'm not sure I really know how to let go and jump."

"Honey, the moment you gave in to Castle, you jumped. This thing between you two was never going to be casual. Your heart has been unguarded for months, maybe longer; you are just finally realizing it."

"Maybe you are right." She sighs.

"Of course I'm right." Lanie answers with a chuckle. "Now continue please."

"So he told me he couldn't watch me throw my life away; he was done. He left; I went after Maddox…almost died… got suspended… and ended up walking around in the rain. I went to his apartment; he was so angry and hurt. I thought I had really lost my chance. I kissed him…told him I wanted him…that I was choosing him."

"And then you tore his fabulous clothes off his gorgeous body?"

"No…he was hesitant at first. Something flipped in his head, he pinned me to the door. God, Lanie…that man is an amazing kisser. When we finally came up for air, I lead him to his bedroom and we had sex."

"Judging by the gleam in your eyes and the blush on your cheeks, imma say it was pretty fantastic. But I think you were wrong about one part of your story."

"It was pretty incredible, but how would you know, you weren't there?"

No, no I wasn't. What I meant was…you guys never had _sex_. You guys made love; that is what made it so incredible."

"You're going to grill me about semantics. I thought I would have to fend off inappropriate questions."

"Oh those are coming. I was trying to stress my earlier point. This has been different with Castle from the very beginning. He took hold of that guard around your heart and crushed it."

"Fine…I lead him to his bedroom and we _made love_. Happy now?"

"Yes" She motioned to the bartender for another round. "Now on to the good stuff."

"I wanna know if the rumors are true."

"Which one?"

"All of them." She laughs with a snort. "Body? Size? Stamina? Ability? Take your pick."

"Hush, ok. He has a gorgeous body hidden under those expensive, tailored suits. If I had my say he would be wearing tight jeans and fitted shirts all the time." Kate laughed, winking at her friend. "Actually, on second thought; let him keep wearing the suits. I get the full show, no need to let anyone else in on the secret."

"Mmmhuh, I told you about that boy years ago." Lanie beamed with her best "I told you so" look.

"Lanie…even you would be shocked to see him shirtless. He has a well-defined chest and muscular back. His arms are like heaven. I trace over his biceps all the time."

Grinning she asks, "Abs?"

"Not really, he is toned but no six pack. I love his happy trail though. Of course, he has a fabulous ass, but I have been watching that tight asset since he started following me around. No surprise there to me."

"Alright, so writer-_man_ is built nicely." She pauses. "Everywhere?"

"Lanie that is a little personal." Kate shies away, playing with her napkin on the bar.

"Since when has that stopped you? If I recall correctly; Will was packing, Josh not as much, then there was…"

"Ok I get your point. We don't need to list them all." Kate swallows a large drink. "It is different talking about Castle somehow."

"Kate…" Lanie starts to tell her that they don't have to continue this conversation, but she is interrupted.

"He is well-endowed; beats them all. Ok?"

"Honey, you didn't have to admit it. The blush on your cheeks did that for you."

"If the thought of him didn't weird me out so much, I would demand details about Javi for making me say that out loud."

"Anytime, I'm always happy to share. They are good details." She wiggles her eyebrows, smirking giddily.

"Uhh, enough." Kate covers her hears in mock horror. "Since your going to ask anyway, he has more than enough stamina. And yes the rumors are true; he is very talented in the bedroom." She turns back to face the bar. "That is it…no more. No specifics." Kate waves her hand to convey the finality of her decision.

"One more please." Lanie pleads.

"Fine, what is it?" A hint of exasperation in her tone.

"Before everything with Tyson, were you as happy as it seems?" Lanie already knew the answer, but she wanted her friend to remember her happiness when she went to face Castle tonight.

"So very happy." Her mouth widens in an expansive smile and her eyes glisten. "I never imagined it could be like this. It still amazes me when I wake up in his arms."

"Ohhhh, girl. Remember what you just told me and go see your man."

They quickly down there remaining drinks. There tabs are settled and they head for the street. "First cabs yours Kate."

Kate turns and hugs Lanie. She whispers into her friend's ear, "thank you, for everything."

Kate slides into the cab as Lanie yells out to her, "because we are friends I'm going to forgive you for not telling me about hooking up with the love of your life sooner."

The last word falls from Lanie's lips as the door closes. The _love of my life_…is she right? Kate relays Castle's address to the driver. The ride passes in what feels like seconds to Kate. She tips the cabbie and heads towards his loft. Hopefully the lump that has formed in her throat doesn't make talking too difficult…_yeah right_!

* * *

A/N: So that was Lanie and Kate's discussion. The last chapter will be Castle and Kate. I thought about an epilogue, but I will probably post as a separate one-shot because I don't want to raise the rating. Last chapter will be out this weekend, maybe the epilogue too.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Castle or any of the characters.

**A/N**: Sorry for the delay. The holidays and work have been much busier than I anticipated. Hope you enjoy!

* * *

The elevator doors parted and Kate breached the opening. Anyone within five feet of her would be able to see the thumping of her heart. She approached the door to Castle's loft; her arm rose, pausing to collect her bearings, she knocked.

Castle rips open the door, a less than thrilled expression covering his face. He had been more than content to wallow and submit to his over active imagination this evening. Upon seeing his unwanted guest was in fact his girlfriend, a slight smile appeared on his lips. "Kate, why…I thought you were with Lanie."

"I…I was." Easy words were presenting a challenge escaping her mouth, let alone the more important conversation to come. "We had a few drinks. I called it a night early so I could come see you." Kate smiles, swaying uneasy on her feet.

"Kate, you didn't have to come. I wasn't upset. You could have spent more time with Lanie." He is happy to see her, but doesn't want Kate to think that she needs to cancel her girls night for him.

"I know I could have." She tries to keep her voice flat. Her gaze shifts from Castle to her shoes. This was going to be more difficult than she thought. "Can I come in?"

Their location in the doorway suddenly dawns on him. "Of course, come here." He grabs her hand and leads her into the loft. "Want something to drink?"

"No, I'm good." She leans in to place a soft kiss to Castle's lips. The kiss is to help ease her into this, but also to see how much Castle may have had to drink. The last thing she wants is to try and have a serious discussion when he is intoxicated. To her surprise, she doesn't smell any scotch on his breath.

"Not that I'm complaining, but what brings you here tonight?" Castle grins, places his hands on Kate's shoulders and presses a tender kiss to her forehead.

"Rick…we need to talk." The words escape her lips in a surprisingly steady tone. The thoughts running through her mind however are anything but steady.

Fear and concern flash across Castle's face. The four words that no one in a relationship wants to hear have just fallen from Kate's lips. "Kate…I…I'm…" He mumbles, no coherent thought coming to mind.

Kate grabs Rick's hand in hers, locking eyes. "Relax; it's not as bad as that sounded. At least I hope not." She answers, hoping to lessen both of their fears.

"Ok, what is it then?" His voice still uncertain, but his eyes less fearful.

"We need to talk about the last few weeks. As much as we both keep saying everything is fine, its not. The ordeal with Tyson has affected both of us, but especially you. I think you are having a harder time moving on from this than you want to admit."

"Kate, I…" Castle tries to speak, but Kate interrupts him.

"No, Castle…let me finish. Please." She replies, her voice emitting a soft, pleading sound. When he doesn't attempt to interrupt again, she takes a breath and continues.

"I'm not okay." She pauses. "I close my eyes and I see the elevator doors closing. I really thought that Tyson was going to kill you and there was nothing I could do to stop it."

Castle scoots closer to Kate, placing a hand on her thigh. "Kate, hon..I'm fine. I'm safe, we are both safe." His hand runs through her hair, placing a few strands behind her ear.

"I know…but that doesn't make the feelings just disappear. That's why I know that you are not fine either."

"I'm working on it." Castle admits with some hesitation.

"Tell me what you are feeling. I want to help." Kate lays it out. This is either going to get him talking or he will retreat farther inside himself.

Castle takes a couple of breaths. He runs his fingers through his hair. This is not a conversation he was hoping to have tonight…or ever, but maybe he should. "I…I don't even know where to begin." He whispers, his piercing blue eyes locking on hers.

"I know that you believe that Tyson might still be alive. How does that make you feel?" She tries to help him start. It was always easier with Dr. Burke when he asked questions and she answered.

"Wow…you aren't pulling any punches tonight." Castle shifts back on the couch.

"Rick…I just want to help you." She places a hand on his back waiting to see if he responds. When he doesn't pull away, she begins to gently stroke across his shoulders.

"I feel guilty." The words escape his lips in the softest tone she has ever heard from him.

"Why?"

"He got away once because I didn't figure it out fast enough. I felt guilty for a long time about that. Now it is even worse." Castle shifts his body so that he is laying back against her, his head falling into Kate's lap.

"Rick…you have nothing to feel guilty about. If it wasn't for you, we may never have even figured out who the Triple Killer was." Her fingers find their way to his head. She softly strokes through his hair, tracing light patterns on his scalp. So far so good Kate thinks.

"Deep down I know that is true, but I can't help wondering how many other woman were killed because he got away." A single tear falls down his cheek. "And then there is Tessa. She is dead because of me."

Her thumb swipes the single tear off his cheek. Her lips fall to his forehead. "You can't think like that. Tyson would have killed again, whether it was Tessa or someone else."

"He picked Tessa to set me up. She is dead because he wanted to get revenge on me…on us. How can I not feel guilty about that?" His eyes rise to meet hers.

She can see the desperation in his eyes. His eyes are pleading with her to help him relieve his guilt. Oh God how she wishes she had a magic answer for him. "It's ok to be upset or sad about Tessa, but you can't feel guilty." She looks directly into his eyes. Her hand finds his heart and rests above it. "You have done nothing wrong. This guilt that you are fighting proves how remarkable you are. Tessa is dead because of Tyson. Tyson did this, not you."

"Do you really believe that Tyson is dead?"

"I think there is a small chance he survived, but yes I believe he is dead." She holds her breath, waiting for Castle's response.

"I really want to believe that too, I just can't yet." Castle's head hangs a dejected gaze upon his face.

Her hand strokes his cheek. "That's ok, it will take some time."

"You know how you close your eyes and see the elevator closing, well when I close my eyes I see him. I see him walking around the loft, watching me, watching us."

"You're feeling vulnerable?" Kate states more than questions.

"How did you know?"

"I thought about why you were so disappointed when I told you that I had plans with Lanie. You don't want to be alone. You want comfort, reassurance." Kate squeezes his hands in hers. "So do I. I need your comfort too."

"Kate…I'm here for you, whenever you need me." He places a soft kiss to her lips, running a hand along her cheek.

"I want to be the same for you. Whatever you need, please tell me." She returns his kiss.

"I need the truth." His reply is almost instant.

"If I knew about Tyson I would…" Kate starts to answer, but is cut off.

"Not about Tyson's state of life…about us."

"Us? I don't understand." Kate is slightly worried about his question.

"You told me you never stopped believing in me…is that true?" His eyes well with tears, his heart beating rapidly.

Castle…Rick, I never believed that you killed Tessa." Kate pauses, afraid to admit the truth about her insecurities. "However, I can't lie to you. Part of me wondered if you knew Tessa…if you were seeing her." Her eyes now filling with tears as well. "Reading the emails…all my old fears were revived. I wrestled with my feelings about this for longer than I care to admit." Her glassy eyes reconnect with his. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry I doubted you."

Rick averts his gaze, bobbing his head. It hurt to hear her admit it, but that is why he asked. The uncertainty was eating away in the pit of his stomach for the last few weeks. The guilt over Tessa, the worry that Tyson is still out there, and the nagging suspicion that Kate doubted his commitment were more than he could handle anymore.

"Kate, I need you to really listen to me." He turns so that he can look her directly in the eyes. "There is nobody but you. I am committed to this relationship. I worked too long, too hard at breaking through your walls to screw this up. I know my past and reputation worries you, but trust me you have nothing to worry about. You are all I want." He pulls her in for a loving embrace. There is so much more he needs to tell her, but at this moment all he can think about is demonstrating to her how much he loves her.

"I know Rick. I…I just had to remind myself. Old habits die hard." She places a sweet kiss to his jaw and works her way to his lips. "I trust you Rick."

"I know my reputation doesn't do me any favors, but I have always been a one woman kind of man. When I'm in a relationship, I'm unavailable to anyone else. It is certainly no different with you." Rick's heart begins to quicken; he really wants to tell her now.

"All the pieces of evidence against you were explained and everything happened with Tyson to clear you. I thought I was over the second-guessing, but then you…you wouldn't make love to me." Kate pulls her bottom lip into her mouth. Her voice is shaky, her insecurity shining bright for Rick now.

"Oh God Kate. I wanted to…believe me I wanted to, but every time we got close all I could do was think about him watching us. When we are together its amazing; like nothing I have ever experienced before. I couldn't deal with the thought of anything taking away from that."

Kate cuddles into Rick's chest; her hand traces circles on his stomach. "It's amazing for me too." She lifts her head, smiling at him. "I think the reason this affected me so hard is because our relationship means so much to me."

"Rick, I need to try and tell you something. Try to make you understand what is in my head. You know that words…words aren't always easy for me so try and let me get through this."

"I'll try." Rick replies quietly.

"I have become so accustomed to fighting my feelings for you over the years that it is still hard for me to accept them. When you told me you loved me in the cemetery, I couldn't begin to process my own feelings in those terms. I spent a year learning to believe I deserved your love and working to open myself up to the possibility of loving you in return. Then you told me again and I still couldn't accept my own feelings. I knew I cared deeply for you and wanted to try…to try us." Kate stops, pausing to align her thoughts. This is extremely important and she wants to get this right. "With Lanie's help, I realized something tonight."

"And what is that?" A smile begins to break at the corner of Castle's mouth. The anticipation of what she might be ready to admit is getting the better of him.

"I love you Rick. I have for longer than I thought." She presses a passionate kiss to his lips, brushing her fingers along the back of his neck. "All the time I was working towards us…I was already." She kisses him again, halting his attempt at returning her sentiment. The floodgates have opened and she is determined to let it all flow out. "I have been trying for months to put into words how I feel about you. I didn't think I was in love yet because my feelings seemed to be the same as before we had sex. My attraction to you and my need to be around you increased, but my feelings seemed the same. Tonight I was telling Lanie how we came to be and I realized that I have been in love with you this whole time." A huge smile appears across her face and Kate nods, signaling to Castle that he is allowed to speak again.

"God Kate…I have wanted to tell you again since the moment you appeared at my door soaking wet. I love you Kate; more than I have ever loved anyone." He grabs her face and plants the most passionate kiss he can muster on her. He strokes his hand through her hair, "I love you. I only want you."

"Good because I want you too." She moves to press her body close to his. Placing a kiss to his pulse point and working her way up to his ear, Kate whispers, "and Rick, I trust you. There are no more doubts in my head about your fidelity. Never again."

Castle stands, stretching his arm out to Kate. "Come with me. I'm ready again to show you just how much you mean to me. To show you how much I love you."

Kate takes Castle's hand and lets him lead her into his bedroom. Their clothes quickly find the way to the floor. As their bodies reconnect, all else is forgotten.

* * *

A/N: There will be an additional chapter or epilogue however you want to view it posted separately because of the M-rating. I am placing the finishing touches on it and it will be available soon…much quicker than this update.

Thank you to all who read. I tried to keep them in character and time even though I strayed with the I love you. Hope you enjoyed. Let me know!


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